Eating Clean

I want to start this post out by saying…I’m not in shape (Big Boned).  Because I’m not in shape, I decided to take 30 days and dedicate them to eating clean.  The process of eating clean involves thinking about what you reeealllllly want right now (Chocolate) and not eating it.  Actually, you eat whatever you think that you don’t actually want (spinach).  Do that enough times and you will be eating clean.  So instead of eating all of the white chocolate chips my aunt has in her cupboard (all 326 of them…) I decided to share how these three days have been.

December 10- This was the beginning of the change.  If it didn’t start today, when would it start?  NEVER!  There is no other time but now.  I cautiously took the first step of self deprivation, at an IGA in Dunn, NC.  The thought crossed my mind “Where is Dunn?”  My mind responded “It is the beginning.”

Way to make it dramatic huh?

At this IGA I bought a golden delicious apple and two packs of peanuts (I mean it was 99 cents!(Minus the apple)).  I felt like a child who hadn’t experienced the tooth decaying goodness of high fructose corn syrup.  Who actually eats apples unless you have dentist appointment the day after Halloween?  I finished the apple and a pack of peanuts (saving the others for when my stomach was about to really eat itself.)  It was not as bad as I thought.  I was full(ish) until about 7 o clock, when I had to beg my mom not to force me to eat cookout with the commoners (I love cookout!!! And all the oil and …I need a moment.) On this outing, I searched for some sliced pears and peanuts (again.)  The pear juice was different and so were the top three pear slices, begging the question, do I even like pears?  The answer is, not a lot blog readers, just a little bit (If you read those last 9 words like 50 cents we’re probably friends..if not, you now know where we stand.)  Once my family arrived in Atlanta we went to Kroger where I bought some fruits, vegatables, and unsalted legumes (I’m bout that life).  I know what your thinking, “No chocolate?”.  No chocolate.

Decemeber 11-  The walls close in, encasing me like Hershey’s chocolate wrapping.  “I’m so hungry, but where to find the food beneficial to my nourishment!” This cry echoes outside of the delicious space I’m confined to, into the cupboard where the relief lies…is this really how it ends, covered in chocolate flakes?

I’m going to go ahead and tell you it wasn’t that bad.

For the better part of the day my stomach cooperated with me, I had an apple and some peanuts for breakfast, some tuna for lunch and some bag chicken for dinner (that tastes exactly how you think it does…DELICIOUS!! Not really.)  I went out to buy the chicken and some eggs (because I love eggs!!)  But after my dinner, my stomach begged for more..or for sleep, I can’t actually tell the difference.  So I fed it and orange (I haven’t had an orange in soooo long!! It was too good.)  Unfortunately, I found out my Aunt has a plethora of chocolate chips hidden that night which really did a number to my will power.  I really sat there for like ten minutes thinking if I should just tell Demetria that there were too many chocolate chips and not enough self motivation, or should I value my health over 326 chocolate chips…

December 12- The enemy jeers at me from its trench. “Look at him tremble! This ‘man’ isn’t worthy of our sword, but we will bring back a victory in honor of the kingdom!”  Despite my best efforts, my body stands, facing the adversity.  I have been put in command of this place, so it is my duty to protect and serve.

In that little snippet of my upcoming novel, I am using personification and hyperbole to make my chocolate habit seem more difficult to overcome than it is.

I did not eat the chocolate chips.  There was definitely an internal battle and some divine intervention involved in that but I overcome

That was for Autumn Rainey lol!  I ate some eggs for breakfast (Soooooo gooooooodddd) with some spinach (Not nearly as good but it’s healthy though.)  Part of me would like to reward myself for eating so healthy, but it feels like that would take away from the actual process of eating healthy.  My sister is about to make a peanut butter and jelly and also had a taco bell burrito…right in front of me.  That’s ok, because she can’t have none of this tap water I’m sipping on…exclusively in Chamblee, GA, what you know bout it!

In these dark times I think of the friends I’ve left behind, and their delicious.  Shout out to Akilah Morgan!!  When I was sick Akilah made some Chicken Noodle soup from scracth just for me (That is not true, she had leftovers and let me have some of it to nurse me back to health.)  Since I was sick, I don’t know if it was actually good or I was just dying, but knowing Akilah’s track record as a cook, I can without hesitation say that it was definitely both.

Lastly I would like to acknowledge Krista “Chicken Wife” Bradley for our experience together freshman year.

It was a dark and stormy night.  Through the blinds, all I could see was despair, but this trip couldn’t be postponed.  Krista had gotten my message urging her to provide whatever she could to the infantry.  The men looked at me for support to make it through, but I knew the treacherous journey that awaited us outside of the walls.  This would be our last march together, but it would be a march nonetheless.

Long story short, I lived, and when I arrived at Corson Hall, Krista brought out some Ramen Noodles…not just any Ramen noodles, but the best Ramen noodles I had ever tasted.  She didn’t just casually dip her feet in that, she let it soak, she had probably been letting her feet soak in the water she used for a week.  It was that good!! The downside is that I lost her microwavable bowl, but the positive is that my hunger was satisfied and what else can you ask for!

5 reasons I hate the bus

Some of the funniest things I’ve encountered in my life have been on buses.  Buses are filled to the emergency exit with ackward potential energy (Ape for short…filled to the emergency exit with ape…sss).  So I will use the power I hold as a writer to share 5 of these ape moments.

1.  Sleeping of the bus can potentially ruin everything you have worked for in life.  Especially if you snore.  I can only sleep for about 5 minutes at a time because I suffer from Snape.  Snoring awkward potential energy (Who knew acronyms could be so fun!!)  My friends occasionally tell me stories of me snoring (snories).  While I was preparing to play for graduation at my old school, me and my friend Malcolm shared a room.  Before I passed out, we talked about life, the future and things of that nature.  When I woke up, I was by myself and the room was bare! (Not because I was robbed but because my roommate had already moved out.)  I called Malcolm to make sure he was good and his first words were, “You snore soooo loud.  I thought about just walking over and suffocating you; instead I left.”  If my Snape could cause a close friend to teeter on the edge of homicide, imagine what could happen when a complete stranger stumbles into the slate of sadistic sonic sounds spewing from my vocal folds.  (I may or may or be in admiration of the alluring attributes of alliteration.)  So every time I sleep on the bus my brain sends little though dwarves (dwarves are the little people with battle axes) to remind me that my slumber could lead me to an early demise.  I am forever in dept to these dwarves…Thank you.

2.  Sleeping on others.  This is potentially the most awkward moment even if you have the awareness to thwart you laziness (in the face.)  In middle school, the bates middle school bantams traveled to Carowinds to celebrate not failing the fitness test (I failed but was still allowed to go.)  As we rode, I fell into a light slumber.  Light because every time I would lean too close to one side I popped up, only semi conscious.  When I did gain full consciousness there were a group of people looking at me laughing.  (They were laughing because it was pre-Snape).  This event caused me to fear sleeping on buses.  If this was high school I would have been the star of a popular youtube video. (Darn you technology!!)

3.  Sleeping on strangers.  There is a huuuuugggggeee difference between sleeping on a friend and sleeping in tandem with a grown men that you haven’t met before.  This is actually the inspiration for this blog post.  Sitting directly in front of me are two black men who have never met.  The one next to the window was getting comfortable thinking he had a seat to himself.  All o a sudden a guy walks up after searching for a seat to no avail, asking “Is this seat available?”  Window seat guy says “….Yeah: and proceeds to move his carry-on closer to the window.  Feeling generous, he offers some of his Twizzlers to the stranger who of course politely refuses.  About 10 minutes of silence go by before they start to doze off.  Initially they lean back, but gravity takes over and says, “You won’t sleep normally today!” and they start to lean awkwardly into each other.  This goes on for about two hours before gravity leads window seat guy to the window.  Here is that whole story from window guys point of view.

Seat by myself, seat by myself, all these passengers?  It can’t be passengers, too many syllables.  I would use nigga but that’s so cliche.  Why does this have to be so difficult!  What?  You want to sit here?  You didn’t hear the song.  Seat by myself?  There aren’t any other seats available?  Man whatever!  I guess you want some o these Twizzlers too!  Here!! Dang!!!! Oh, you too good for my snacks?  Don’t ask for nothing else!  Taking myself to sleep.  It’s like you can’t have no good thing.  Swear!! Tell you what.  *Falls alseep for a short time*  Is this nigga leaning on me?? THAT’S GAY!!! Wake up!!!

I’m going to stop there

4.  3 to a seat.  I lived in a relatively small town in a small neighborhood.  When I rode my normal bus it was beautiful (for a bus shuttling us to the hood.)  I had a seat to myself, I could sit in proximity to my friends, it was all I could ask for.  But when the bus driver was sick, terror enclosed our little bodies, as we walked down the crowded aisle, the seats filled with unfamiliar faces. All of a sudden the driver shouts “three to a seat.”  My heart falls, gripping the ground, yelling “My Baby!!”  The unfamiliar faces turn into unsympathetic faces.  “No room here.”  “No.”  “I wish you would.”  Finally someone let’s me slide a quarter of a cheek into the seat.  Can this really be life?  I ca’t deal.  No man should have to live like this!!

5.  Rain.  Everytime it would rain in school or it had recently rained, riots ensued.  We were going to get wet.  There was no way around it.  Since the buses were so poorly maintained, water was your seat mate.  The window seat had no glory.  The army of water droplets marched through the leaks, soiling your shoulder.  The emergency exit assaulted whoever sat too close, establishing it as a supreme force.  Kids tried to avoid the onslaught of liquid and all attempts ended futilely.  Soggy and hopeless.

These events are all very funny in hindsight but are extremely traumatic and stressful in the moment.  The moral of this story is to avoid buses (and cliches) like the plague.  Because your phone will die, you will trade a perfectly good seat for a window seat, by yourself until you either have to force an old man to keep moving or indulge in your Twizzlers.  You will not know how you are getting home.  Do not risk it.  Stay at home, love your family and stay safe.

P.S. I thought about a lot of people that I miss during this.  Like! Jacqueline Pleasant, Betty Pride, Malcolm Brown, John Babbitt, Nidja Muldrow, and several others I hope ya’ll are doing well and I hope you read and enjoy this.  (And share it with everyone!!!!)